Thursday, March 13, 2003
SO help me JEEBUS
I WILL NEVER TYPE ON JENN'S COMPUTER AGAIN.
i just wrote for like an hour and my finger strayed to hit some MACINTOSH ONLY ERASE EVERYTHING YOU JUST TYPED IN ONE SECOND WITH NO OPTIONS FOR RECOURSE "button" placed INGENIUOSLY RIGHT NEXT TO THE GODDAMN ENTER KEY.
fuck cock ass nuts vagina shit GODDAMIT.
So what i was writing earlier...
i mean, it wasn't like the solution to life, the universe and everything ...but im still pissed.
SO to try again....
My dog is getting junk mail addressed to her now.
Junk email.
Even funnier than when Spammers try and pretend their bullshit email is from "you" because your name is mysteriously in the "from" category of your inbox....
and even funnier than when they try and run through every possible combonation of first name (plus) last name @hotmail.com (leading me to get mortgage quotes begging "gabrielhorn" to "take a look at this free offer")to address their crap to...
(even funnier than this*)
...is when they somehow get your dog's name, but in their marketing genius decide to sucker me into reading their message by making the message from some combonation of my name and and my dog's.
Tonight I got an email from Loganabrielhouck@hotmail.com. And i read it too - it was about hair loss.
SO.
What bugs me is that with every website i actually interact with or leave information on, i know for a FACT that there's a little "privacy policy" button down on the bottom. This would indicate that there is some law-enforced protection of my personal information that i enter on that site.
However
CLEARLY, were i to click on this little button one time during a visit to good-old Ebay or Hotmail, and were i to have the superhuman ability to decipher bullshit internet disclaimers, i might actually discover that the repressed homosexuals running these websites are peddling my name, my dog's name, how old i am, what kind of car i drive, and pretty much any other possibly obtained information to every seedy, trailer-trash-junior-college-business-major SCUMBAG with a computer and a mail order company in the country.
This displeases me.
But there is an upside:
If, for some reason, i become a criminal and the FBI hunts me down, they will go to my house and confiscate my computer. They'll listen to all my mp3's, watch all of PAUL's downloaded porn, crack my email passwords, and try to profile me by what's in my inbox.
Man, is that profiler in for a treat.
AS it turns out, their suspect is actually an obese, balding, drug-using, unemployed but somehow work-at-home real estate enthusiast who likes free vacations and trial-perscriptions of Herbal Viagra and who is a chronic masturbator infatuated with stock market tips, Barnyard Animal Porn, and NASTY TEEN VIRGINS WHO WANT TO CUM PLEZ!!*&%htutje2348sjRJ38**!@
And i would never be found.
So should i change my besieged Gabrielhouck@hotmail.com email address to something the bastards will never guess? Should i attempt to avoid the 30-50 dogshit useless asshat emails a-day by changing my adress to a long string of random numbes and letters?
I'd like to... but i'd still bet that they got me beat...
...as it turns out, Random Strings of Numbers And Letters politely email me all the time, inquiring about time share condos, winamp plug-ins, and free adult passwords. I think the once seeminlgy infinite span of possible email names and addresses will hit critical mass in 5 years, and then anyone whose name is normal will have to buy thier own email adress from Spammers or Pornographers. THAT IS MESSED UP. i mean, it's going to be bad enough when the machines rise up and send terminators back in time to sqaush human resistance... we don't want to be screwed over by internet pornographers too, do we?
clearly i am upset about this.
clearly you all should be.
I think if you're reading this you should take action.
As for me, i'm going to start a petition... maybe even lobby local representatives to tighten controls over illegal internet marketing practices.
Starting tonight, my voice will be heard.
...Right after i finish donwloading this porn.
(da - dum-dum... *)
(yea well, posts end with shitty jokes like that when their first drafts get erased by SUPERFLUOUS "ERASE EVERYTHING" buttons sprikled like a minefield throught this goofy macintosh keyboard. Like smoking gives you cancer, it's the Truth.)
I WILL NEVER TYPE ON JENN'S COMPUTER AGAIN.
i just wrote for like an hour and my finger strayed to hit some MACINTOSH ONLY ERASE EVERYTHING YOU JUST TYPED IN ONE SECOND WITH NO OPTIONS FOR RECOURSE "button" placed INGENIUOSLY RIGHT NEXT TO THE GODDAMN ENTER KEY.
fuck cock ass nuts vagina shit GODDAMIT.
So what i was writing earlier...
i mean, it wasn't like the solution to life, the universe and everything ...but im still pissed.
SO to try again....
My dog is getting junk mail addressed to her now.
Junk email.
Even funnier than when Spammers try and pretend their bullshit email is from "you" because your name is mysteriously in the "from" category of your inbox....
and even funnier than when they try and run through every possible combonation of first name (plus) last name @hotmail.com (leading me to get mortgage quotes begging "gabrielhorn" to "take a look at this free offer")to address their crap to...
(even funnier than this*)
...is when they somehow get your dog's name, but in their marketing genius decide to sucker me into reading their message by making the message from some combonation of my name and and my dog's.
Tonight I got an email from Loganabrielhouck@hotmail.com. And i read it too - it was about hair loss.
SO.
What bugs me is that with every website i actually interact with or leave information on, i know for a FACT that there's a little "privacy policy" button down on the bottom. This would indicate that there is some law-enforced protection of my personal information that i enter on that site.
However
CLEARLY, were i to click on this little button one time during a visit to good-old Ebay or Hotmail, and were i to have the superhuman ability to decipher bullshit internet disclaimers, i might actually discover that the repressed homosexuals running these websites are peddling my name, my dog's name, how old i am, what kind of car i drive, and pretty much any other possibly obtained information to every seedy, trailer-trash-junior-college-business-major SCUMBAG with a computer and a mail order company in the country.
This displeases me.
But there is an upside:
If, for some reason, i become a criminal and the FBI hunts me down, they will go to my house and confiscate my computer. They'll listen to all my mp3's, watch all of PAUL's downloaded porn, crack my email passwords, and try to profile me by what's in my inbox.
Man, is that profiler in for a treat.
AS it turns out, their suspect is actually an obese, balding, drug-using, unemployed but somehow work-at-home real estate enthusiast who likes free vacations and trial-perscriptions of Herbal Viagra and who is a chronic masturbator infatuated with stock market tips, Barnyard Animal Porn, and NASTY TEEN VIRGINS WHO WANT TO CUM PLEZ!!*&%htutje2348sjRJ38**!@
And i would never be found.
So should i change my besieged Gabrielhouck@hotmail.com email address to something the bastards will never guess? Should i attempt to avoid the 30-50 dogshit useless asshat emails a-day by changing my adress to a long string of random numbes and letters?
I'd like to... but i'd still bet that they got me beat...
...as it turns out, Random Strings of Numbers And Letters politely email me all the time, inquiring about time share condos, winamp plug-ins, and free adult passwords. I think the once seeminlgy infinite span of possible email names and addresses will hit critical mass in 5 years, and then anyone whose name is normal will have to buy thier own email adress from Spammers or Pornographers. THAT IS MESSED UP. i mean, it's going to be bad enough when the machines rise up and send terminators back in time to sqaush human resistance... we don't want to be screwed over by internet pornographers too, do we?
clearly i am upset about this.
clearly you all should be.
I think if you're reading this you should take action.
As for me, i'm going to start a petition... maybe even lobby local representatives to tighten controls over illegal internet marketing practices.
Starting tonight, my voice will be heard.
...Right after i finish donwloading this porn.
(da - dum-dum... *)
(yea well, posts end with shitty jokes like that when their first drafts get erased by SUPERFLUOUS "ERASE EVERYTHING" buttons sprikled like a minefield throught this goofy macintosh keyboard. Like smoking gives you cancer, it's the Truth.)
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