Loganthinks

ugh - nothing proliferates the creative mood like the supportive quips at blogger's homepage...

"Blog me tender" it says.

ah...

so much to hate.


speaking of, ESPN needs a talking-to.

I let you pull one over on me once, shame on you:
Specifically, if you ever saw an "Playmakers", you might have been able to drink heavily, perhaps go out afterwards, and forget that you lost an hour of your life to that shitepile of monkeyshines.
That show provocatived its way straight to the historical annals of crappy television, and in in the process left us with one of those 'holyshit that was stupid' cliffhanger endings like the season finale of ALF.
remember ALF? Did he finally make it back to his home planet?
we will never know...
but as for Playmakers:
they didnt make the playoffs - man, what a worthwhile show.

so, shame on ESPN - but once is forgivable.

twice - shame on me.

Dream Job.
in the wake of Donald Trump performing ritual felatio on himeself for NBC's "the apprentice", bellittling self-made business men and women in a series of lemonade sell-offs and wacky free enterprise competitions, it seems like realtiy TV shat out a new color of turd with this idea that ALL OF AMERICA WOULD DROP A DEUCE in its collective underoos at the possibilty of MAYBE being close to someone as AWESOME as donald trump. and donald trump's hot wife, money-bin, and ridiculous hair.

ESPN caught wind of this, and apparently the network thinks that it is the next Scrooge Mcduck, and that its new-breed demographic of 18-34 sports-loving urban-professional youth would TOTALLY DIG the opportunity to face off on a gameshow where the winner gets to be a sportscenter anchor.

now alot of people think that this is a cool idea.

i thought it was a cool idea.

i even fucking watched both the first and second show. and Michael Wilbon has it right 1000% when he makes fun of Tony Kornheiser on PTI for having ANYTHING to do with that program.

its cool to see people try and be creative, spontanteous, and funny while reciting voiceovers for highlight reels. i'm okay with that.
the concept is there, but holy shit, if television justice were to suddenly be served on a national scale by a pipe-wielding guy who walks onto the sets of crappy shows and sets things straight, the first person getting his kneecaps busted is fucking Stuart "I swear i'm so black" Scott and his goddamn lazy eye.

He's like a bad Regis.
except he never gets to say "youjeswonamillionDALLAS!"

every sentence he speaks is followed by some crazy baritone "suspense music" and a swirling camera that audiences clearly identify with ... (woa, that looks cool through the action camera)
He pauses.

between every sentence.

like william shattner.

and then when he reads who is cut - with all his lazy-eyes drama and his STINK of i-am-the-holy-grail-of-sports-anchors smuggery...

oh man

(poopsmith)

i close my eyes and happily imagine senor justice, the television avenger storming into the ESPN studios, past the surprised figure of "i'm lonely in the offseason Lavar Arrington", past that pointless chick from Cold Pizza - past the "red tiebraker phone", Tony Kornheiser, and the ridiculous wandering camera man - striding confidently right up to stuart scott and...

pipe-to-the-knees justice.

i mean, i never hated stuart scott as an anchor. or a human being. until this show. where oh man, woulndt we just all LOVE to have the opportunity to be insulted and chided by this ESPN anchor and his band of witty journalitsts.

and its not just stuart, in case you're not buying him as the sole reason this show is ESPN's wattery diarehhea - the production value is like something out of the high-school AV club, and while some of the finalists are talented anchors, some clearly got through the stringent filters because ESPN execs thought it would hilarious to throw in some "misfits" to catch Americas' attention: Perhaps, even pudgy people who scream like shrill chipmunks while reporting the top plays of the day, and then turn purple in the face and have an embolism.

SO wouldn't we all love to be on that show? get our chance? lick some boot, show our stuff, cut some throats, beg to not get voted off the island?

apparently, enough of us would.

*Gabe, i dont seem to remember the last nationally syndicated sports/game show you produced that thousands of contestants tried out for*

true, but without the pipe-hitting justice man to set the world of television straight, there has to be a voice of dissent because if i'm not saying it, i just might forget how fucking BAD that show is, or more importantly, WHY it is so fucking bad.

and at the end of the day, there really remain only these simple truths:

1)i'll still watch Sportscenter and Pardon the Interruption

...and secretly hope that charles barkley comes over from the NBA on TNT to make fun of how not-black stuart scott is. and then the pipe to the knees.

2)ESPN fools me once - shame on them.

fools me twice - shame on me. Find the remote. or better yet, the power button.



And now as i'm going to sleep i think

maybe this is the lenghty, roundabout way
of realizing the true evils of television

masked behind its addictively user-freindly digital cable

behind the ADD smorgassboard of 100000000 channels of monkeychunks to choose from

behind the few shows i keep coming back for

but what will change?

February ends - but probably not my life as a Target Market.

now off to dream of greener pastures with logan






PS> Pauly - you almost made me not write tonight, reading that madness.

Any one day you might step into your head and never find your way back out.
all the same, better to write it than to not.

Ultimately, what you really know depends on how simple you want to make it.

whatever the fuck that means.