Loganthinks

*Dear Art Instruction Schools,

Even whilst growing up, watching my 13-inch television set that took a pair of needle-nose pliers to operate, I distinctly remember your advertisements as they squeezed between episodes of Batman: The Animated Series and Jeopardy! Being a latch-key kid, I always welcomed after-school television as a refuge from reality, and I remember cherishing the benevolent words of Tom Stuart as he spoke to me about the world of artists and designers – an existence seemingly populated by freedoms which I certainly did not experience in sixth grade biology. Compared to my jagged fighter jets and anatomically disproportionate super heroes, the art work you showed always seemed so practiced, so disciplined, so adult. So many years later, not out of nostalgia, but born of serious and studied interest, I have finally filled out a request form for your free art tests by mail. Although I have tried to tell a little about myself here, my address and information is bubbled in below, and I sincerely look forward to hearing from you.*

*What concerns me about this art test is your ability to recognize potential artists’ specific genre talents. To elaborate, I would say that I am primarily interested in realistically rendering the human form (in action, especially), and secondarily in creating complex mechanical drawings of machines, robots, and the like. What is encouraging is that on the panel labeled “Draw Me”, you have five human faces profiled, all of which you will see I have reproduced exactly on my test form (and no, I never trace). However, I would like to suggest that in future versions of this pamphlet, you may take such characters as the Pirate or the Smiling Turtle, and place them in an active pose that differs from a simple sideways portrait. I would also like to suggest that you think of some alternate pictures for potential artists to reproduce; some that may appeal to those of us interested in landscape art for example, or robots. Regardless, I am including these comments with my test form so that your evaluation staff may get a feel for the concerns of your programs’ undiscovered demographic.*

*I will not waste any percentage of my 1000-character limit complaining about the sluggishness of the US Postal service, but I will say that I am disappointed in the administrative staff you have working for you at the AIS. While I clearly indicated that I was not under the age of 14, your letter notifying me of my 25-dollar prize not only came without a check made out, but clearly designates me in the wrong age bracket, thus disqualifying me from the scholarships you list on your website as co-funded by the Distance Education Training Council and your distinguished alumni association. I also have yet to receive any additional materials in the mail, despite my online comment card submissions. I think any of your more famous graduates would agree that even tiny clerical errors can easily and irreversibly damage an artist’s interest. Charles Schutlz, whom you tout as a champion of your program, certainly would be put off with the side effects of your bureaucratic negligence, and while I realize that this may sound like an angry submission, please remember that an ego scorned is a dangerous thing: Those of us who learn from history surely remember that Adolph Hitler was an artist first, befo*